Article #3 - The origin of suffering is attachment
Perhaps this might be a rather serious topic, but I've just read about it in a book and felt like sharing. I think this might be a Buddhist concept but personally, I feel it applies to anyone. Being over attached to anything is risky and yes, as the saying goes, causes hurt and suffering. I feel that it's risky because you rely on others and things to make you feel complete. Hurt comes when these attachments are taken away or go away in time, because nothing lasts forever.
"I guess what the saying means, and what I feel it means is that we need to have a HEALTHY attachment to things."
I think attachments are normal and inevitable. To say, "Please completely stop being attached to things or people, if not you will hurt and suffer." is really rather silly or even rude. It seems rather extreme doesn't it? For example, we are attached to our parents, we are attached to friends and significant others, we have things that help us get through the day, something as simple as coffee in fact. These attachments are natural. I guess what the saying means, and what I feel it means is that we need to have a HEALTHY attachment to things.
For example, and it's unfortunately a personal experience. I had a significant other, or should I just say, boyfriend. I was much much younger, this was several years ago. I was still trying to figure out who I was, getting used to new found independence away from parents and the comforts of home and felt yes, insecure. This is rather normal I feel, I got attached to my boyfriend in a VERY unhealthy way.
I relied on him for everything. We did everything together. Studied together, bought groceries together, did assignments together, had meals together and pretty much, everything. Normal things wouldn't you say? The difference for me was that without him, I couldn't do these normal things on my own. Unhealthy attachment am I right? I conveniently forgot that I was supposed to learn independence and do things for my own self.
In the end, I know I took things very much for granted and the relationship went sour, and the inevitable break up happened. Indeed, if you do not love yourself first, it is very difficult to love others, or should I say, take care of others. The break up caused me much suffering. Perhaps 'suffering' is too harsh of a word. I guess it caused me much hurt and SEVERE unhappiness.
"I was needy and probably annoying at times. I 'lost myself' in the relationship. That's when definitely a unhealthy attachment occurred."I know for a fact that if I was more independent, learned to be my own person, the relationship would have continued. I was needy and probably annoying at times. I 'lost myself' in the relationship. That's when definitely a unhealthy attachment occurred.
"Most attachments can lead to obsession."I feel back then, I should have taken a step back. Step out of the attachment to gain perspective. I wished someone would have told me this a long time ago. Most attachments can lead to obsession. People can be obsessed about food (because it's makes them feel fulfilled) and of course, other vices. We need to learn to take all things in moderation.
What is the solution? I believe, and this is just a personal insight. We should try to be less attached to unhealthy attachments, not rely on people or things (but instead rely on yourself). Instead of being obsessed or unhealthily attached to things, we should attached ourselves to something that is constant and that doesn't change. Something that is stable.
Some would call this 'stable and constant' attachment as 'the higher power'. I believe in meditation as well. Meditation and prayer helps you empty your mind and helps you focus your energy positively. It allows you to step away from attachments (even if it's for awhile) and lets you gain perspective on things. It helps you be more aware.
To end things, I feel we should treat each day as if it was our very last day on earth. What would we do today? How and what would we do? Would we appreciate things better? I personally think that I would stop to smell the roses. Take in the little things, appreciate the little things. Perhaps bungee jumping might be in the list as well!
I'm not sure if this is a good example. But we should treat things like how we treat for example, a rose. We understand that it's beauty will only last a few days. We know this as a fact. We appreciate this rose for it's temporary beauty. Because we know this, because we know it's temporary, we hurt less when the rose wilts and inevitably dies.
"Following the wind and the tide is fine of course. I just worry that in the midst of that, we get lost."
We know not to get attached because it will hurt. If you have the time, perhaps sit down and write out the things that you are attached to. Step back, and analyze them and see how to can have a better relationship with these attachments. I feel that we do need to once in a while, sit down and reflect on things and not live life aimlessly. Following the wind and the tide is fine of course. I just worry that in the midst of that, we get lost.
Till next time,
Elirus
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