What Are You Afraid Of?

Article #1 - What Are You Afraid Of?

We are all afraid of something. It could be as simple as fearing cockroaches to perhaps something more serious such as dying. Common fears include, fear of flying, public speaking, heights, the dark, intimacy, failure, rejection, commitment and even the fear of being alone. These type of fears, if not faced can greatly reduce the quality of life. It can stop you from living life the way you really want. Do you get trapped in your fears? 

Fear, yes, can actually be a good thing sometimes. It can be productive even! The fear of failing exams can actually inspire you to study more for example. BUT, if the fear is decreasing the quality of your life, that fear should definitely be addressed.

"Most prefer avoiding it, simply because it is the easier way out."

Just face your fears. It is often easier said than done of course. I personally think that the hardest part of facing your fears, is making the decision that you want to face it. Most prefer avoiding it, simply because it is the easier way out. People respond to things with either fight or flight. Many of us choose to flee instead of staying to fight.

I say, as many do as well, is that we should just feel the fear but do it anyways. Why not simplify things? Most times we are afraid of feeling afraid and not the issue itself. We can't get trapped in that cycle of fearing fear itself. It stops us from really dealing with the problem. 

How about I go through some methods on how to face your fears? Here goes.

"We need to learn to manipulate the fear and not let it manipulate us."

Method #1 - Stop thinking about it. Just like Nike's tagline, just do it! Less thinking, more doing. Thinking about the fear endlessly builds up anxiety and makes it into something that it clearly isn't. Do not magnify the fear. Everyone is with fear, it makes us human but we need to learn to manipulate the fear and not let it manipulate us.

Method #2 - As they say, think outside the box. We should all think outside the fear. Look at it from an outside perspective. List down what makes you afraid for example, flying. Is it because of being in a plane? Does it make you nervous? How can you minimize that feeling of nervousness? 

Method #3 - Avoidance actually gives the fear more power. Most of us believe in the concept of 'out of sight, out of mind' but believe me, the fear rarely goes away and even if it does go momentarily, it comes back even stronger and greater. It also starts a trend in your way of thinking. When you start running away from one issue or one fear, you will continue with that pattern with other things in life. Essentially, running away from fears or problems is really running away from really truly living. You will end up not trying new things and limiting yourself.

Method #4 - Move out of your comfort zone. What is a comfort zone? Think of it as a 'plateau' zone. You are neither progressing or regressing. You feel safe within the walls of your comfort zone and at times, this can be misleading. It tricks you into believing that things are fine the way they are and there is no need for improvement or change. It may seem very appealing at first to stay in your comfort zone, but after awhile, you will realize that in some way, life has passed you by and you might not have done the things you've always wanted to do but have been afraid of.

For example, and it's a personal example. It is rather embarrassing to admit but I had this awful fear of driving! I have a driving license and had driven previously with no problems until I met with an accident. That accident made me fearful and I didn't trust myself behind the wheel. 

My comfort zone was asking people to drive me to places or take a cab. After some time, I realized that this isn't going to be good for me. I can't possible rely on people to take me places my whole life can I? How much will I continue to spend on taxi fares? The toughest part was actually deciding that I wanted to change. I wanted to face that fear. Once I did decide, things were easier.

First step, step out of my comfort zone. I decided to try driving around the parking lot of my apartment condominium. I did this for perhaps 2 weeks, I just drove around (a little aimlessly) to get used to being behind the wheel. 

"If you can't leap out of comfort zone and face your fears head on, facing it step by step might be less of a shock to your mind and body."

That stretched out my comfort zone a little further. I become comfortable driving around the car park. Next step, drive around the condominium itself. That involved driving on real roads. I did that for several weeks until driving outside become part of my comfort zone. Do you roughly get the picture now? It's all about stretching out your comfort zone slowly. It took me awhile and yes, several stages, but I'm finally comfortable driving about on my own now. If you can't leap out of comfort zone and face your fears head on, facing it step by step might be less of a shock to your mind and body.

Method #5 - Breathe. There are a lot of great breathing techniques in yoga. Sometimes, going back to basics is really the best way. Focus on nothingness. Just your breath. Detach yourself from life for awhile. It helps you gain perspective on things. You are able to look at the bigger picture. Breathing techniques calms your mind, calms your train of thought and helps you refocus on the task at hand.

"......in truth, you really are the only one responsible for your happiness, only you can face your fears, people cannot do it for you."

Most times, once you've actually faced the fear, you question yourself, why were you afraid of it in the first place! In fact, you wished you had dealt with it much earlier. It is a hard pill to swallow, but in truth, you really are the only one responsible for your happiness, only you can face your fears, people cannot do it for you. The decision to want to make a change is a difficult one but you need to challenge yourself, get that ball rolling. Don't fall into that trap of fearing fear. Live life, don't confine yourself to the walls of safety that you have build around you. 

Who knows, it could be a little brighter outside the box.